Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Lonely with God?

I would argue that one of the most powerful things to feel is loneliness. Loneliness has a power in the human mind and heart that not many other feelings have. Our level of loneliness can easily dictate our mood, affect how we act, and even affect how we see ourselves. As someone who is very much an introvert, time alone is crucial and precious to me. I love and crave those moments where it's just me (and maybe a couple of cats), and I can just enjoy some peaceful moments away from the hustle and bustle of social life. Unfortunately, alone time can become loneliness if it is overly used.

Most people are familiar with the five love languages (words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch). Our love language is how we best receive love from family, friends, a significant other, or anyone else in our lives. My love language is quality time. When it comes to my relationships, I need and crave genuine, quality time together. If someone is willing to take the time to spend with me, that to me is a true indicator that they love me and value me as a part of their life. Even aside from that, we are created for community. In Genesis, we read that Eve's creation is the result of God declaring that it is not good for man to be alone. We are not meant to live in constant seclusion. I am at the far end of the introvert spectrum, I can (and do) spend days on end with minimal human interaction and am completely content. I am almost never the first to contact someone or initiate time together...it's out of my comfort zone and I mostly prefer being alone anyways. But there is a limit to introversion, a line between being happy alone, and feeling lonely. The line between needing alone time, and needing community. If that line is crossed, we end up in a place of loneliness.

Have you ever been surrounded by people, but felt completely alone? Loneliness doesn't just come from physically being alone. Loneliness comes from a lack of genuinely connecting with people, from not feeling close to anyone. It comes when you feel disconnected physically and emotionally from seemingly everyone. Loneliness has such an intense affect on how we think and feel, and can take away our rationale. Loneliness, if not dealt with on a spiritual level, can lead to more destructive thoughts and feelings. There have been countless times when I have been away for weeks and almost no one contacts me. There are times when I'm in a group, but not included in conversation. While there is a level of personal ownership, those times have often lead to feeling hurt, feeling disliked or unwanted, feeling like I am not good enough, valued, or even loved. Those feelings then lead to me actually being anxious and afraid to send the first text or initiate quality time, because I feel like I will be rejected...because I don't feel wanted...because I first felt lonely...and the cycle repeats itself time and time again. Maybe loneliness doesn't turn into such a vicious cycle for everyone, but I know it does for me and it can for others as well. Yet in the times when no one is around, when no one is contacting me, when I'm beating myself up because I'm not "good enough", that's when God has to be enough.

I will say in complete honesty that I feel lonely, even with God. It's hard to admit, but it is simply the truth. It's easy to feel alone because the fact is that God isn't a physical human being sitting next me. Yet His company in my prayer closet is as real as the company of a friend at Starbucks. Time with Him is always of the highest quality, yet in times of loneliness, it doesn't seem like enough...but why? Do we subconsciously, or even consciously blame God for our loneliness, or the feelings of inadequacy that can come from it? Do we hold back because we feel guilt for letting people take God's place in our lives and depending on other people instead of Him? Do we actually believe the feelings of inadequacy so much that we feel that even God might not want to bother with us? For me, at least, it's a combination of all of the above. Family can fail sometimes, friends come and go, but God is constant. Even in the much needed alone times, He is there in the room. He's ready to spend time with us and love us, if we would only give Him our own time. Were we created for community? Absolutely. But we were also created to depend on God as our source...including our source of community and love. As much as I can sit around being the stereotypical single woman that I am, eating ice cream while binge-watching Netflix with my cats as company while somewhat wishing that I had a boyfriend or a better social life, the truth is that there is no special person or amount of social interaction a person can have that will perfectly fulfill their need and desire to feel valued, wanted, and loved. As much as we can sit around wishing just one person would take the time to text us, that text would not heal our loneliness. The only way we can feel truly loved and valued is if we first find those things in our relationship with God. If we don't let God fill the empty parts of us, they will never be filled.

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."
Proverbs 18:24

People will fail us and hurt us, as we will fail and hurt others. We cannot depend solely on friendships, which fade and grow apart. We cannot depend solely on our spouse or family, who's human nature will come short of our needs sometimes. We want to place our dependence on the imperfect people around us when we have a perfect friend who sticks closer than a brother, who's bond to us and love for us is unfailing, unchanging, and greater than that of any person. We have a relationship with the God of heaven and earth, the God of the universe. As long as we cling to that truth, lean on Him, and whole-heartedly embrace the incredible relationship that God created us to have with Him, loneliness will not be able to hold us captive.

1 comment:

  1. This is so good! As an introvert, I am right there with you. I have felt this way many times as well, especially while in college. Thank you for being vulnerable, honest, and most of all, challenging others to remember who is always with us!