Saturday, October 1, 2016
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."
I have spent most of my life comparing myself to others. "She is more beautiful than me." "He is more intelligent than me." "She is a better Christian than me." "He is funnier than me." "She has more friends because she is a better person than me." And the list goes on...
I never wanted to be in pictures with my friends because I looked like the "ugly fat friend". I tried to avoid spiritual conversations because, "they are so spiritually intelligent, I'll just sound stupid." I compared myself to others so much that I held myself back so no one else could see how "inferior" I was compared to everyone else. How could I ever measure up to those around me?!
Comparison is one of most easy, natural, and dangerous habits to engage in. We all have people around us, and so our human nature constantly causes us to compare ourselves to those people. Some people think they are better than those around them and see themselves as superior. Others, like myself, think they are worse than everyone around them and see themselves as inferior. Those who see themselves as superior convince themselves it's a healthy sense of confidence. For the longest time, I tried to convince myself that my feelings of inferiority were simply a healthy sense of humility. We try to mask the reality of what comparison has done to our minds, yet the truth comes out despite the mask. I couldn't hide the negative effects comparison had on my mind and self-esteem. Many of my compliments to others came with insults aimed towards myself. Self-deprecating jokes were the norm. I felt, and sometimes still feel like everyone around me is better than me, and everyone knows that. Yet the comparison and constantly not feeling good enough were more damaging than I ever knew.
We all want to be "enough": good enough, smart enough, pretty/handsome enough, spiritual enough...we want to measure up to those around us. The truth is that on our own, we cannot and will not ever be enough. Without God, we are only a small portion of ourselves. With God, we are whole and complete in our identity, and that is how we become "enough". God does not put more or less effort into the people He makes. I wanted to be as beautiful as my best friend, but Christ designed my physical being with as much care as hers. Therefore, I am pretty enough. God created me with an intense desire to learn. Therefore, I am smart enough. God ignited within me a passion to ponder and meditate on His word, and to worship Him and feel His presence. Therefore, I am spiritual enough. God gave me a heart to love and serve others. Therefore, I am good enough.
I have come to see the harsh reality that when I undermine how God created me as an individual and see myself as less than those around me, I am insulting His work...His creation. God didn't want me to have the same exact looks, mind, talents, or spirit as anyone else. The theme of my college this year is "Live Your Purpose", and it is my motivation to avoid the destructive act of comparison. God created each of us with unique, one-of-a-kind sets of traits, skills, and gifts specifically for our unique purpose in this world. We were never meant to compare ourselves to others because we were each created to fulfill God's individual plan for our life. We can be inspired and mentored by others, and learning from others is crucial in order for us to grow into the best version of ourselves as individuals. But we were never meant to attempt to emulate another person's exact being. The world doesn't need a replica of Abraham or Moses or Daniel or Paul. The world doesn't need another Kim Walker or Steven Furtick or Judah Smith. God created the sun, the moon, and the stars. He created mountains and seas, day and night. God, the creator of Heaven and earth, looked at the world and decided that it needed the unique creation that is you.
"For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."